I couldn't get out of bed this morning. My head hurt, I felt like throwing up, but most of all, I was so depressed I could not move. Did not want to move. I had slept for over 10 hours but I could only continue sleeping some more. This body simply could not muster the energy to move.

And in my sleep, I could dream about you, I could see your face. Only most times, the dreams aren't happy. But I had half the belief that when I awake, I would realise that this had all been a horrible dream, that you really hadn't stopped loving me. But life, being the b*tch that it is, made sure that I only woke up to the cruel reality that we are so far from where we were just 6 months ago. And I can't help but ask myself, what have I done to deserve this fate? What have I done so wrong in a past life, or in my present life, to deserve getting my heart stomped on repeatedly? And why, when I've found someone who's made me truly understand what it is to love someone so completely, it is all taken away almost immediately?

You called me at 1am to tell me that I should not be doing you all these favours, much as you appreciated them, and that I need to accept that it's over.

I lay in the dark listening to you, listening to you tell me it's over and that I've been nothing but immature about this. And I had nothing to say. What was there to say? Everything had been said, nothing could change your mind.

This morning, I recalled what the tarot card lady in Melbourne had told me in November, and it hit me then that a lot of what she had said have proved to be accurate....only the bits about you, about us, have not come to fruition. A part of me almost laughed at the irony of it, a part of me wanted to cry over it, a part of me felt hopeful (though I don't suppose I should encourage this feeling of hope anymore). Isn't it ludicrous, that even after you've told me repeatedly that this is beyond over, that I continue to hope that you'd come back? What is wrong with me?!